The Cringe Factor Behind Writing On The Internet

What Happens When Our Thoughts Become Words We Dare To Say Outloud

Street Art Kaka’ako - Oahu 2022 - taken by me

If I’m honest with myself and with everyone else, there is a great deal of talking myself up and into writing anything that anyone will read. I would like to say the older I get, the less I care about who thinks what. But the truth is, sometimes I do still care. Sometimes I still want to please everyone.

Sometimes I look at the variables of my audience and I wonder who I am writing to. Or who I should be writing to. Other writers I’ve met, poets I’ve met through instagram poetry, old classmates, old neighbors, parents of my kid’s classmates, my family, my relatives, people I grew up knowing (aka my church crowd), facebook acquaintances I never really knew to begin with. All of which include intellectuals, artists, preachers, grandparents, parents, marrieds, divorcees, singles, romanticizers, realists, catholics, penecostals, atheists, hippies, trendsetters, slackers, enthusiasts, trades people, influencers, law enforcement, entrepenuers, professionals and everything in between.

And while I internally fuss with myself over who might read what I write or who may never read a word, I already know that unless I come up with a really juicy title, only a select few from each category will be watching me, and a few others will relate to something I’ve said. And I can guarantee, I will never make sense to everyone.

So what am I always waiting for.

What are any of us waiting for.

There will always be someone who won’t relate to what I am voicing. There will be people who will misunderstand. There will be people whose feathers I will likely ruffle. And there are people who will feel sorry for me. And people who want to correct me. Those last two, by the way, are my two personal pet peeves.

Why I cringe at sympathy or correction when I write.

The way I view writing is, it being an expression of my own heart. My own thoughts. My personal sadness, pain, joy, and reflections of things that have happened throughout my week, my year, my day… my life.

And unless I say it out loud, it becomes this jumbled mess in my head.

Much like therapy, writing is a release. I am never looking for sympathy, but if I write about something that may in fact be sad, the kind and tenderhearted people of the internet will inevitably want to sympathize or cheer me up. I’m not saying it’s wrong. It’s a beautiful thing that people take time to read my words and share warmth and support in return. I am just not big on being cheered up. (Can anyone guess my personality type?) And also, I loathe coming across like I’m a cantankerous, mopey moperson. This is my cringe. Either way, it puts me in a rough place. Do I write freely to candidly express and connect with humanity, running the risk that readers may think I am whining for sympathy. Because I assure you I am not. I am speaking from my heart as an appreciation of our human ability to understand one another. And I also write for healing.

With that being said, writing is also a way I can share my own little personal gems of wisdom and hope that I am currently learning or that I am still seeking … and I just want to talk about it. I never stop being teachable, therefore I am always learning. So, when I express what I am currently learning - lessons which God or life or parenting or writing itself is teaching me, I am writing from my heart. My words are genuine and I don’t write from an overly opionionated or controversial place. It’s just not my thing.

I come to writing a topic I am ruminating over with an incredible amount of deep thinking, reflection and often prayer. I try my best to write from humility, a place where I’ve learned something, but I’m still learning. But here’s where I’ve got to be honest, and share my next cringe. When readers want to rewrite my personal story or to best me. It’s as though my words and experiences and thoughts are being turned into a boxing match. Conflict I wasn’t intending when I was simply desiring to extenalize what I am learning. Yes, I am open to growth, but in my little space of the internet where I share my personal stories and distinctive reflection, it feels off to try to simplify or dumb down what I felt deserving of sharing. I’m already saying it with 100% heart. I don’t want to feel like I have to defend it.

I don’t own any fighting gloves. I’m sorry to break it to you. My oldest son is a debater. He is working his way towards law school and I think he will be an incredible lawyer. But he is well acquainted with the fact that I hate conflict. I tend to shut down. I pull my words and my heart back in. I am not saying it’s right, this way that I am, but it’s what I’ve always done.

Here is the thing. We are all people with different childhood experieces, diverse backgrounds and quite frankly, we are wired differently than most …and similarly to others. We can see a person post a quote on social media that lifted their spirit because they have struggled with self hatred, while another person sees that same quote and feels it comes across as self absorbed because they are learning to be more compassionate towards others.

It just hits different.

I’m not saying people can’t share their own story in response to writers sharing theirs. That is one thing. But coming from their own place of honest reflection, personal experience and connection is easier swallowed when the gloves are off. Or if the 1930s classroom teacher spectacles are off. If that makes any sense.

I’ve really had to push through the cringe to be here writing today. Those moments where people feel sorry for me or people tell me what I am writing about is wrong. There haven’t even been that many of them, but enough for me to hide out inside my own thoughts and words and lessons that life is teaching me and keep me buried there.

However this being said, this is something that writers or really any person on the internet that shares anything has to come to terms with. Because it will happen. It doesn’t matter if you are writing openly about hair products or politics or religion or celebrities, people are certainly going to tell us what they think about it. And being behind a screen gives everyone that double shot of spunk to just say the thing they are thinking.

So I’m not exactly sure where this is going, I only know it’s something I’ve thought about alot. It’s been a place of fear and anxiety that has kept me small. And I wouldn’t say the gloves are off, because I’ve never owned gloves to begin with. But I guess I could say this is one of those lessons I’m learning. I’m under 5’3, I am small, but I’m growing into myself enough to finally understand that everything will be okay, even if not everyone likes it.

And that is why I’m here.

Julie Marie

Here’s a poem I wrote this back in Oct 2023 originally posted on my Instagram Poetry Page. Enjoy!

There’s more to life than pain
Why are we so hard on ourselves
Why do I keep thinking
that I don’t belong here,
no matter where here is
Why does time play these
wicked games
and I feel so far
behind my dreams,
yet still ahead of
what everyone else
thinks I should need
Why am I the proof
that it’s more than blood
or love that bleeds,
it’s so much more
I’m evolving grief and hope,
still wandering and home
Why am I always questioning
if it’s okay to believe
when doubts follow me around
and nothing can be answered
with just one one shot
to write it all down